Although, I have not received life coaching from Stellar Life Coaching, I just listened today to Kendra Davies who was a speaker at the opening ceremony at the National Association... READ MORE --> of Mutual Insurance Companies (NAMIC) conference held in Amelia Island, Florida.
Kendra, is a positive psychology coach. When she said that, I though... what is positive psychology? According to Wiki:
"Positive psychology is the study of the "good life", or the positive aspects of the human experience that make life worth living. As an art, it focuses on both individual and societal well-being.
It is a reaction against psychoanalysis and behaviorism, which have focused on "mental illness", meanwhile emphasising maladaptive behavior and negative thinking. It builds further on the humanistic movement, which encouraged an emphasis on happiness, well-being, and positivity, thus creating the foundation for what is now known as positive psychology.
Positive psychologists have suggested a number of ways in which individual happiness may be fostered. Social ties with a spouse, family, friends and wider networks through work, clubs or social organisations are of particular importance, while physical exercise and the practice of meditation may also contribute to happiness. Happiness may rise with increasing financial income, though it may plateau or even fall when no further gains are made."
At first I thought... oh no! This isn't going to be some touchy feely bs! But, I listened. Now granted a major part why I listened in the beginning is because she is a vivacious, quirky and hilarious speaker. Her humor and personality kinda remind me of Kathy Griffin...but I digress... the important part was that I listened and it really touched me. Kendra explained how we focus on the negative in our life and we close ourselves off to what's positive. She talked about living life in "no". She talked about herself, her life, her experiences, her failures. She explained how she said no to joy, no to happiness, how she didn't want to try harder. I looked at her and I was so impressed with her courage to say all these things. She talked about how she changed her life by opening herself up to life's possibilities and embracing yes!
She said she changed everything by saying yes to things. You want to try yoga? Yes! Want to go to the movies? Yes! She opened up herself to life's possibilities and seized opportunities presented to her and changed her entire life around. Inspiring!
I remembered that I was very unhappy for years. I made it a little better by becoming part of the yelp community, and going out there. I had fun! Tons of events and parties and found some cool people and one truly great friend. Still I was depressed, my career wasn't where I wanted it to be, I didn't feel appreciated at work... didn't get paid enough for everything I was doing and my work situation was getting steadily worse... socially I wasn't appreciated much either by many. When I got recruited to come work for the company I am currently with back in November, my friend Apple told me to go for it. Yes, it meant leaving everything I knew and moving from Miami to a small town in Ohio... but I decided to take a risk. I remember her telling me that we are responsible for our own happiness. She was right! I owe her big! I am much happier now and i am working on that.
Kendra explained that we internalize and create these stories on ourselves and we believe we don't deserve to be happy, that we are boring, that we aren't good enough for love, a better career, etc. I felt all these things. Listening to her affirmed my decision and also made me realize this is a constant choice. I need to always embrace life!
Other tidbits of knowledge she shared were interesting:
1) gossip is when you don't have the courage to tell the truth... so true!
2) if you feel guilty for focusing on you and loving you, you need to peel back a layer and find out why. If it's external, are people judging you for focusing on you? If that is the case you need to have a conversation with them. Buddhist philosophy teaches us there is no us without you.
This second point also spoke to me. When I making this decision to leave... I felt guilty... guilty for leaving people behind.... especially a few friends. I came to realize that I needed to focus on myself... because these people who I worried about leaving behind, didn't appreciate me as I saw when my decision was made and they reacted to negatively about it. A lesson learned.
So many other parts of her talk made me think... from Kendra talking about the night before spending those two hours at the beach, to taking and how to do moment meditations. I am glad I attended... I needed to hear what she had to say. If she could affect me that much in an hour, I can't imagine what it would be like to regularly hear her counsel.